How?? How…in the world things get to this??
BOOM!! CRASH!!
“Get out!!” a plump figure bellows at him, shortly after throwing him out his door, right onto the pavements. From afar he runs his thumb to the part of his lips where it caught on the pavement, and upon checking the damaged done onto it he casually wipes the blood off. He gives the man a ferocious stare, and for a moment I am worried that he might retaliate for that rude demeanour.
But he doesn’t, and I hear myself letting out a sigh of relief. Gradually limping his way out to of the alley, for a moment he seems so disoriented, perhaps due to the blow to his left cheek. Standing there motionless, he stares across the street. My primal instinct beckons me to swiftly shift myself into the shadows, shielding me from his piercing eyes. Moments after deeming that it is safe enough to steal a peek without being seen, I see him caressing his ever messy hair, another palm of his massaging the back of his head.
Perhaps he is badly hurt?
Let’s go.
Seemingly decided where to go, he heads onto the street and starts making his way towards an invisible destination, as if guided by some divine navigation. His pace is slow, and so isn’t making it very difficult to tail him from such a distance. It is amazing how he is impervious to everything; not the restaurants or the TV shops that has several Plasma and LED TV’s on display could steal his attention.
So like him; once he’s decided he’ll just plough through. Even at great cost…
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Is this the best time?? What if he says no?? What if he’s someone else??
Go. There isn’t anybody else. Trust me. You’ve planned this for so long…
My heart was screaming out loud in fear. Afraid, of what the outcome would be. All that was in my mind was the repeated scene that I’ve coughed up in my imagination for the past whole week.Walk right in, heads down, both arms hugging the folder. Cast the letter into his hands and scramble out of there in the instance.
But there was no courage that could possibly calm me for this occasion. I could feel my knees trembling in fear, blood pumping into my ears.Jumpy. Then as he abruptly skated his chair across his office, I instinctively moved behind the pillar, hoping with all my strength that he didn’t notice my presence. Some rustling came out from his office, and a loud bang indicated that he slammed the trolley back into the folder cabinet.
Go!!
“There!! You’re another day late!! I needed you to get your report done last week,” he said while picking out my only defence from my arms, way before I could speak. This was not going as planned, at all. My lips were ready, but my heart wasn’t; no words came out to fruition, despite all the practice that I’ve done.
He swiftly turned around, back to his work, ignoring my awkwardness in his presence. He always had this sadistic side of him, always denying others from what they have intended. He knew I wanted to say something, but purposely delving back to work instantly to make me put in extra effort in this confrontation.
“Now thanks to you, I’ve lost another weekend…” He started to say something, but my mind was elsewhere, still panicking from the knowledge that we’re the only two living souls co-existing in his small but cosy room.
Half thinking that it might be a good idea to just back off and run off into the oblivion, he suddenly turned around, apparently surprised by my silence.
It’s now or never.
“Maybe…I…I…make it up…to you??” Mustering every ounce of courage in my body, I forced myself to look up. He responded with an quizzical and puzzled look, unsure about what he was supposed to infer from my fluttering sentences.
As my mind searched for the corresponding lexis to express the overflowing thoughts in my head, I remembered to thrust the letter into his hands. Right then he was stunned by the sudden appearance of the envelope, my limbs immediately took flight as my heart pumped adrenaline into my blood stream as if I am escaping a predator. I ran as hard and as fast as I could, only stopping after I exited the the faculty doors.
Will he come?
As I inhaled deeply to feed my oxygen deprived lungs, I made a note to prepare myself better for the appointment later tonight. I shall put on that Fleur d'Automne…
He will.
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There.
He seems to have reached his destination. Another alley. Pretty deserted, and the alley has too little cover for me to go closer. A shadow rises from the protruding stairs, above which a sign says Richmonds’ Diners.
They begin to talk, but I am too far away to eavesdrop on their conversation. Mouthing a silent prayer, my eyes scours around for options so that I may move closer. For some reason I am agitated not being able to listen to what they are saying.
Perhaps that dump there would do.
NO!! They’ll know.
The other guy is lighting up his smoke now, but both of them does not show any indication of how much longer they intend to stay in the cold. Making up my mind to stay put, I rub both palms against each other to generate some heat to counter the numbing cold that is gradually seeping into my bones.
Not giving up just yet, I scout around for possible location to camp. A loud bang rang aloud and the other guy has disappeared back into the diners, leaving him alone leaning against the alley wall. I can make it out from his silhouette that he is looking upwards into the sky. The blank expression in his eyes throws me back into that lonely night…
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Will he come?
He will. I know he will.
I was standing in the moonlight, at the intended place of our first “date”. Perhaps at this point this is just another appointment, me another clientele. But I’m okay with that, for now. Things would be better, soon.
How?
I just know.
I grabbed the edges of my sweater and pull them closer towards each other, feeling the fabric tightly enclosing my back, giving me some warmth to counter the chill. It was a starry night, but there was no moon to illuminate the roof apart from the small wall mounted bulb. I recalled how he used to talk about the sky and the stars and the constellations and the lore men created for them during our sessions. I remembered how in awe we were at his charming passion whenever he talks about the celestial entities.
I was smitten. Totally.
You better go. Stop being a buzz kill.
About time.
Five-to-ten. Will he come? I stared into the dark horizon, screwing my eyes into focus, trying to look for signs of his arrival. The breeze was getting stronger and colder. Right then I felt rather vulnerable, both physically and mentally. Not entirely sure what to expect from this encounter either.
Where are you? Would you come?
*********************************************************************
BOOM!! CRASH!!
The sound of the crashing door siphon me back into reality, waking me up to another nightmare I am existing in this dimension. The resurfaced guy shoves a bottle of something into his arms, something I can’t really make out of in this darkness.
They exchange a friendly gesture and each head on to his own way, but not before that guy shouted something. If that meant anything to him, he didn’t acknowledge it. But he has this weird expression on his face. I have seen that face so many times in the toilet mirror, every time after I abruptly wake up from a bad dream.
He pops the cork out of the bottle and starts sipping. As he turns into the corner I arise from my hiding spot and start to shadow him again. This time he seems aimless, just wandering around, going where the winds bring him to be. His pace gradually becomes sluggish, as he continues to sip on the alcohol with an empty stomach.
Dead man walking.
*********************************************************************
This can’t be true. But he didn’t come!! Why didn’t he??
He didn’t. But it’s true. Arrested.
The next light I saw in my eyes were the sun’s. I had fallen into slumber while waiting for him to appear. But he didn’t. The institution was in an uproar. Police everywhere. There was a media blackout on the institution. Scores of reporters restricted just beyond the gates of the institute, forcefully trying to make their way into a blockbuster news.
I didn’t want to believe what I heard from the murmurs. A police proceeded to question me how I ended up in the building although the perimeter was enforced hours ago, wondering how on earth I slipped beneath their radar. Slithering through his grasp, I ran with all my might down the stairwell, and I saw him being ushered into an armoured vehicle. Behind me were multiple footsteps chasing after me, but I ignored their call to stop.
As I reached the ground floor I sprinted with all my might, trying to hold on to the very last of my dreams. But the police stationed on the floor were expecting me, five of them shielding between him and me. Ramming as hard as I can into them, I flinched at the recoil of my rash action. Within seconds they have me pressed on the ground.
I heard a call for the paramedics, but I continued to struggle for freedom. An officer slammed the door close and indicated that it was good to go. As he was transported further and further away I summoned all my strength, trying to escape from this realistic nightmare. That was when I felt my arm punctured, and I gradually loss consciousness…
*********************************************************************
It’s time. Time to go.
I did not resist. But I can’t seem to peel my eyes off his back either. He’s slowly but steadily making his way into the park, probably one of the spot he used to put up for freezing nights. Once in every few pace he raises his bottle, draining more of those liquor. Whiskey.
Probably Jack Daniels, or Johnny Walkers.
But it probably won’t matter. Not anymore, after today. I didn’t come to say goodbye, nor to sympathise with his current predicament. I didn’t come to seek for the answer he never gave, because that won’t change anything. Nothing changes fate. Especially for those whose stars are crossed against each other.
Turning around, I bid my heart not to look back again, ever. I love him dearly, and I probably will always do. But it isn’t meant to be. He’s suffered enough for his fate. Me likewise.
It’s time. Time to go.
Aren’t you coming? Let’s go.
You go ahead. Right behind you. Don’t look back…don’t look back…
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