So Close Yet So Far

 

I put the cup to my lips and took a sip out of that creamy yet bittersweet cappuccino,  sugar-less, as I prefer it to be.

“Sorry,” I muttered as my voice reverberated across the empty lounge, interjected by the noise of the spinning ceiling fan above. I know, any apology at this point would sound like an excuse, regardless how I sugar-coat it to be.

I re-placed my cup upon the table with subtly trembling hands. “I know it wasn’t pretty; how I dealt with the whole issue. It wasn’t…” I wrapped both hands around my cup, hoping that the warmth radiating from it would give me strength and courage, to finally do the right thing .

“I…wasn’t thinking…straight,” I added, “…such things never happened before. I mean, I…I…never thought I’m…likeable…or…loveable…”

Feeling my cheeks burning hot against the cool breeze, I lowered my gaze back onto my cup, staring into the patterns from the coffee stain on the table. My nerves weren’t helped by this prolonged silence, as my head continues to scavenge for words.

“And I thought…YOU weren’t thinking straight…at that time…I don’t know. I don’t know what’s the right thing to do.” I shifted my legs uncomfortably, as cold sweats starting to drench through the denim.

“I know…I know I was a coward…so…I ran away.” Hastily, I took up the cup, sipped on it, and embarrassingly choked myself. It was abrupt and unexpected, but as I recovered, I find myself steadier, if not stronger.

“I used to think…you know…what if I did this…or that…all kinds of what if’s. I’ve imagined all kinds of future, all kinds of tomorrows. All kinds of possibilities.”

“The window was so-wide-open…and I didn’t have the guts to go through it…nor the courage to firmly close it back.”

Holding my head in both palms, I begin to feel tears smudging across my face. For the very first time, I wept, after all these years. I gave myself the luxury to sob for a minute or two, before steadying myself, to brace for my concluding statement.

“Regret…is a very potent poison; it eats you up from the inside.I know that another opportunity might never come again, but if it does, I just want you to know that my door remains opened, just as you once did for me. Only time, perhaps, can purge this burden off my conscience.”

I looked up, trying to visualize YOU sitting across me. But there was nothing, apart from an empty seat, an empty presence. I know, I have no one but myself to blame…

 

for we were once so close, yet now so far

His Magnum Opus…

 

“YOU!!”

Yes, me. You can glare at me all your like, but that isn’t going to change anything now. Not even the dire state that you’re in right now. Nothing more than a Rottweiler baring its dull fangs, restrained behind the bars your set around you.

I can see that you’re set, reading to strike. But try me, I’ve won once, and I shall again, if necessary. Younger, stronger, faster and far more crafty, considering how I’ve out-manoeuvred you time and time again. Yes, you have a weapon in your hand, but what can that nearly-empty whiskey bottle do against the intrigue and scheme that I’m so capable of producing? You can always try, but I’ll win, again.

You have always wondered why, and who. Now that you know I’m behind it all, I supposed the biggest question mark is “Why??”. You want me to grant you that luxury?? The luxury to admit total defeat in the presence of a far more superior mind?? I can afford to spend some time reminiscing the past, for your sake. I can see that you cannot rest, not without knowing everything…

*********************************************************************

It’s true. He’ll be here tonight. My guys doubled checked it several times. He will be here soon enough, with plenty of time left to catch your plane. Yes, we’re just outside his usual route, but close enough to shadow him without being noticed, yes?

Yes, he’ll b…

BOOM!! CRASH!!

…there he is, unsurprisingly. Wait, wait!! He’s alright. NO!! We’ll be seen!! STOP!! Or I swear I’ll drag you home.Please, I beg you, not yet. He’s fine, just bruised a little. BACK OFF!! Shh…it’s alright, I think he didn’t see us. Yes, I think he’s alright…

Let’s go.

We’ll trail behind quietly. Tread lightly. There, that bus stop. Quick, before he turns. Okay, let’s quickly sprint past the TV shops…no…JUST THE TV SHOPS…

*********************************************************************

This is YOUR only time. He will. Say “Yes” of course. Nobody says “No” to you. I’ll never. Go. There isn’t anybody else. Trust me. You’ve planned this for so long…

At the count of three…three…two…HOLD!! Behind the pillar!! QUICK!!! No, I didn’t think he saw us…

GO!!

Me?? I’m just gonna wait. For what you ask?? Gonna wait for the prey to take the bait, of course. What bait?? You see, every prey has it’s own weakness. That’s what I’m gonna use as bait. What’s his?? Curiosity…curiosity and his self-righteousness. The prey thinks his all high and mighty, so I’ll use that to…

…Of course not; Of course all these are just in my head. If I were to do this, why would I tell you at all?? Why should I?

How did it go?? Good?? Great!!. He’ll go. You should put on the perfume I gave you. Yes. The Fleur d’Automne. My favourite. You’ll be the loveliest creature.

Yes, he will come.

*********************************************************************

There.

Not too close now…it’s pretty deserted. Can you see? Yes, Richmonds’ Diners. WAIT!! SHH!! There’s someone else!! No, they’re too far away. It’s downwind too. Impossible. Not without being seen.I’m telling you, it’s too deserted!!

NO!! They’ll know. The dump’s too exposed. You’ll be seen

Cold?? Come nearer. Rub your palms. There. Better?? Relax, calm yourself. You don’t have to get too worked up. Christ!! NO!! We’re staying p…

LOOK!! The other guy went back in. I think he’ll return…

*********************************************************************

He will. I know he will.

How would I know??

I just know.

And it’s a trade secret. You’re not supposed to know??

‘Cause he’s that kind of a guy. So loving and kind, indiscriminately. He thinks that’s his strength. But it shall be his undoing. Yes he should be heading to the lab right now. Why not the roof??

Definitely not!! 

He MUST go to the lab.  Why won’t he come to the roof?? Because the hunt needs to go just as the predator has intended. It’s all every intricate, calculated. There the prey shall meet his doom. His fall from grace. Then perhaps he’ll no longer have that arrogant smug on his face.

Why…you ask me?? ‘Cause he has his eyes on you!! You don’t think so?? I beg to differ. And that’s not the real issue; it’s the way you look at him, talk about him, think about him…

…Of course not; Of course I won’t tell you any of this. If I really meant so, would I tell you at all?? Ignorance is bliss.

About time.

Yes, I’ll be going. The hunt starts now. I’ll put an end to the buzz…

*********************************************************************

BOOM!! CRASH!!

He’s back. The guy from the bar. What’s that?? Not sure. Looks like a bottle. Liquor perhaps, unsurprisingly. Don’t look at me like that. I’m just stating the obvious. Alright I’ll drop it.

Look at how he drains it!!. Look at him. THAT”S your guy.

OUCH!! ALRIGHT!!

He’s on the move. Quick. You see that stall over there? On the count of three. NO!! NOT YET!! Wait till he’s beyond the hydrant. Where’s he going?? No idea. Just…follow my lead. Gosh.

Dead man walking.

*********************************************************************

He didn’t. But it’s true. Arrested.

It’s true. Why didn’t he come??

Of course, I can’t tell you. It’s a moment of glory. Master plan executed in perfection. Yes, I saw it all. From the start. Not a moment escaped my sight. How?? The cameras of course. What cameras?? The ones mounted on the wall. How?? Some help with the virus and a computer. Piece of cake.

Perfection. But it was meticulous. The amount of work needed to make sure this works was staggering. Had to make sure everything was where it’s supposed to be. The fabricated letter that you unknowingly passed to him yourself; the one I switched without you knowing, of course. The package in the lab. Bought off a pimp somewhere in the red light district. Cost me a fortune, those goodies. But it was worth it. Every single penny.

Of course, I had to plant the evidence deep inside the lair. The prey took it’s bait, so I had to drive it all the way in. So deep where it hurt the most. For this I had to do what will be my biggest crime. But this is all to protect you, from him. Can’t you see?? To keep you, from him.

What did I do?? Cameras. I told you, I’m good with them. Camped a few in your room, just for few nights. Snapped a few pictures. Edited them a little.Then sneaked in to remove the bugs, and stole a couple of the undies. Then I broke into his. Made it seemed like it was stashed secretly.

A perfect crime.

Too bad it’s my secret to bear alone. Of course, nobody else can and nobody else knew. You??

YOU MUST NEVER KNOW!!!  

*********************************************************************

It’s time. Time to go.

You’ll be late. It’s time. Time to go. The car is just around the corner. Go. We’ll be right on schedule. We’ll be in time to catch the plane. With time to spare.

You go ahead. Right behind you. Don’t look back…don’t look back…

*********************************************************************

“Me!!”

Not in your wildest dream, yeah?? Yes…you remembered…I’m surprised, and honoured. You still remember. Of course you would, after putting all the pieces together.

Yes. Me.

My name?? Do you remember?? You see my point?? You know her name. But I’m just another client.

It’s Hawkins. Brilliant, but troubled. Who else could have pulled something of this magnitude?? Who else but me?? Who else but the top mind of the institution. Yes, you’ve been a good teacher. And I, perhaps, your greatest student.

Why, you ask me??

‘Cause you’re Frankenstein and I’m your monster. Yes, Rhodes, your monster. Rhodes’ Monster. I’m your greatest invention.

You forced my hand. My existence is resulted  by the very thing you threatened to destroy. You made me. She’s everything to me. MINE ALONE.  More than you can imagine. I must protect her frail heart. NO ONE ELSE IS WORTHY OF THIS. No one…but me.

NO!! It’s MY duty!! You…you don’t understand!!

Come then, if you wish. Strike me. If you think your drunken limbs can still throw a straight. Why, I’ll just stand here. Nice range for a hook. Can you land it, on my right?? Come, it’s a free shot. I’m not too sure if you can land a straight in your condition, considering how short-sighted you are. But a hook is totally manageable. I think. I hope. Hah!!

No?? You looked like you’re ready to devour me. Whole. But what prey feasts on its predator?? Survival of the fittest. Well, as far as I can tell, you’re surviving pretty well. In the dumpsters, that is.

What do I want?? Just came to show you how far you’ve fallen. And to show you the full magnitude of your failure. You thought you’d protected her?? Kept her from being exposed?? From being shamed??

YOU FOOL!! It is I WHO HAS ALWAYS PROTECTED HER!! ME!!!

But then again, I supposed I owe you an apology. Your…your sense of…righteousness…choosing to keep her from being shamed…kept the police from investigating further, and kept me from behind bars. And I never looked back since. I’ve been by her side all these while, if this brings you any comfort.  Until she insisted on seeing you, one last time. Yes…yes, she was here. She saw everything. Witnessed everything.

No, no. She’s too kind to be an accomplice. What she doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her, yeah?? I’m sure you understand. I’m sure you’ll understand. Of course you do.

You’re my magnum opus.

Now…Frankenstein. Got to go. Nice chat. Where next, you ask me??

I’ve got a plane to catch.

Her Farewell…

 

How?? How…in the world things get to this??

BOOM!! CRASH!!

“Get out!!” a plump figure bellows at him, shortly after throwing him out his door, right onto the pavements. From afar he runs his thumb to the part of his lips where it caught on the pavement, and upon checking the damaged done onto it he casually wipes the blood off. He gives the man a ferocious stare, and for a moment I am worried that he might retaliate for that rude demeanour.

But he doesn’t, and I hear myself letting out a sigh of relief. Gradually limping his way out to of the alley, for a moment he seems so disoriented, perhaps due to the blow to his left cheek. Standing there motionless, he stares across the street. My primal instinct beckons me to swiftly shift myself into the shadows, shielding me from his piercing eyes. Moments after deeming that it is safe enough to steal a peek without being seen, I see him caressing his ever messy hair, another palm of his massaging the back of his head.

Perhaps he is badly hurt?

Let’s go.

Seemingly decided where to go, he heads onto the street and starts making his way towards an invisible destination, as if guided by some divine navigation. His pace is slow, and so isn’t making it very difficult to tail him from such a distance. It is amazing how he is impervious  to everything; not  the restaurants or the TV shops that has several Plasma and LED TV’s on display could steal his attention.

So like him; once he’s decided he’ll just plough through. Even at great cost…

*********************************************************************

Is this the best time?? What if he says no?? What if he’s someone else??

Go. There isn’t anybody else. Trust me. You’ve planned this for so long…

My heart was screaming out loud in fear. Afraid, of what the outcome would be. All that was in my mind was the repeated scene that I’ve coughed up in my imagination for the past whole week.Walk right in, heads down, both arms hugging the folder. Cast the letter into his hands and scramble out of there in the instance.

But there was no courage that could possibly calm me for this occasion. I could feel my knees trembling in fear, blood pumping into my ears.Jumpy. Then as he abruptly skated his chair across his office, I instinctively moved behind the pillar, hoping with all my strength that he didn’t notice my presence. Some rustling came out from his office, and a loud bang indicated that he slammed the trolley back into the folder cabinet.

Go!!

“There!! You’re another day late!! I needed you to get your report done last week,” he said while picking out my only defence from my arms, way before I could speak. This was not going as planned, at all. My lips were ready, but my heart wasn’t; no words came out to fruition, despite all the practice that I’ve done.

He swiftly turned around, back to his work, ignoring my awkwardness in his presence. He always had this sadistic side of him, always denying others from what they have intended. He knew I wanted to say something, but purposely delving back to work instantly to make me put in extra effort in this confrontation.

“Now thanks to you, I’ve lost another weekend…” He started to say something, but my mind was elsewhere, still panicking from the knowledge that we’re the only two living souls co-existing in his small but cosy room.

Half thinking that it might be a good idea to just back off and run off into the oblivion, he suddenly turned around, apparently surprised by my silence.

It’s now or never.

“Maybe…I…I…make it up…to you??” Mustering every ounce of courage in my body, I forced myself to look up. He responded with an quizzical and puzzled look, unsure about what he was supposed to infer from my fluttering sentences.

As my mind searched for the corresponding lexis to express the overflowing thoughts in my head, I remembered to thrust the letter into his hands. Right then he was stunned by the sudden appearance of the envelope, my limbs immediately took flight as my heart pumped adrenaline into my blood stream as if I am escaping a predator. I ran as hard and as fast as I could, only stopping after I exited the the faculty doors.

Will he come?

As I inhaled deeply to feed my oxygen deprived lungs, I made a note to prepare myself better for the appointment later tonight. I shall put on that Fleur d'Automne…

He will.

*********************************************************************

There.

He seems to have reached his destination. Another alley. Pretty deserted, and the alley has too little cover for me to go closer. A shadow rises from the protruding stairs, above which a sign says Richmonds’ Diners.

They begin to talk, but I am too far away to eavesdrop on their conversation. Mouthing a silent prayer, my eyes scours around for options so that I may move closer. For some reason I am agitated not being able to listen to what they are saying.

Perhaps that dump there would do.

NO!! They’ll know.

The other guy is lighting up his smoke now, but both of them does not show any indication of how much longer they intend to stay in the cold. Making up  my mind to stay put, I rub both palms against each other to generate some heat to counter the numbing cold that is gradually seeping into my bones.

Not giving up just yet, I scout around for possible location to camp. A loud bang rang  aloud  and the other guy has disappeared back into the diners, leaving him alone leaning against the alley wall. I can make it out from his silhouette that he is looking upwards into the sky. The blank expression in his eyes throws me back into that lonely night…

*********************************************************************

Will he come?

He will. I know he will.

I was standing in the moonlight, at the intended place of our first “date”. Perhaps at this point this is just another appointment, me another clientele. But I’m okay with that, for now. Things would be better, soon.

How?

I just know.

I grabbed the edges of my sweater and pull them closer towards each other, feeling the fabric tightly enclosing my back, giving me some warmth to counter the chill. It was a starry night, but there was no moon to illuminate the roof apart from the small wall mounted bulb. I recalled how he used to talk about the sky and the stars and the constellations and the lore men created for them during our sessions. I remembered how in awe we were at his charming passion whenever he talks about the celestial entities.

I was smitten. Totally.

You better go. Stop being a buzz kill.

About time.

Five-to-ten. Will he come? I stared into the dark horizon, screwing my eyes into focus, trying to look for signs of his arrival. The breeze was getting stronger and colder. Right then I felt rather vulnerable, both physically and mentally. Not entirely sure what to expect from this encounter either.

Where are you? Would you come?

*********************************************************************

BOOM!! CRASH!!

The sound of the crashing door siphon me back into reality, waking me up to another nightmare I am existing in this dimension. The resurfaced guy shoves a bottle of something into his arms, something I can’t really make out of in this darkness.

They exchange a friendly gesture and each head on to his own way, but not before that guy shouted something. If that meant anything to him, he didn’t acknowledge it. But he has this weird expression on his face. I have seen that face so many times in the toilet mirror, every time after I abruptly wake up from a bad dream.

He pops the cork out of the bottle and starts sipping. As he turns into the corner I arise from my hiding spot and start to shadow him again. This time he seems aimless, just wandering around, going where the winds bring him to be. His pace gradually becomes sluggish, as he continues to sip on the alcohol with an empty stomach.

Dead man walking.

*********************************************************************

This can’t be true. But he didn’t come!! Why didn’t he??

He didn’t. But it’s true. Arrested.

The next light I saw in my eyes were the sun’s. I had fallen into slumber while waiting for him to appear. But he didn’t. The institution was in an uproar. Police everywhere. There was a media blackout on the institution. Scores of reporters restricted just beyond the gates of the institute, forcefully trying to make their way into a blockbuster news.

I didn’t want to believe what I heard from the murmurs. A police proceeded to question me how I ended up in the building although the perimeter was enforced hours ago, wondering how on earth I slipped beneath their radar.  Slithering through his grasp, I ran with all my might down the stairwell, and I saw him being ushered into an armoured vehicle. Behind me were multiple footsteps chasing after me, but I ignored their call to stop.

As I reached the ground floor I sprinted with all my might, trying to hold on to the very last of my dreams. But the police stationed on the floor were expecting me, five of them shielding between him and me. Ramming as hard as I can into them, I flinched at the recoil of my rash action. Within seconds they have me pressed on the ground.

I heard a call for the paramedics, but I continued to struggle for freedom. An officer slammed the door close and indicated that it was good to go. As he was transported further and further away I summoned all my strength, trying to escape from this realistic nightmare. That was when I felt my arm punctured, and I gradually loss consciousness…

*********************************************************************

It’s time. Time to go.

I did not resist. But I can’t seem to peel my eyes off his back either. He’s slowly but steadily making his way into the park, probably one of the spot he used to put up for freezing nights. Once in every few pace he raises his bottle, draining more of those liquor. Whiskey.

Probably Jack Daniels, or Johnny Walkers.

But it probably won’t matter. Not anymore, after today. I didn’t come to say goodbye, nor to sympathise with his current predicament. I didn’t come to seek for the answer he never gave, because that won’t change anything. Nothing changes fate. Especially for those whose stars are crossed against each other.

Turning around, I bid my heart not to look back again, ever. I love him dearly, and I probably will always do. But it isn’t meant to be. He’s suffered enough for his fate. Me likewise.

It’s time. Time to go.

Aren’t you coming? Let’s go.

You go ahead. Right behind you. Don’t look back…don’t look back…

_______________________________________________________________________________

Copyright © 2013. All rights reserved. None of the works on this blog may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission by the blog owners.

Sumidagawa Blues

Yokota Airbase.

She still couldn't believe her luck when she received a call from the Commanding Officer with regards to their permission for her to conduct an interview with a fellow army officer. University reports were such a pain, and she could find no other field of interest to venture into.

She signed the relevant forms and was handed a visitors pass at the barricades. Never had she expected to meet an American in a Japanese Royal Air Force base. She had heard of them certainly, members of the United States Forces of Japan, but she expected to be assigned a Japanese, not a foreigner, and most definitely not a member of the Army. But as luck would have it, he might have been the only man up for the job of attending to an irritating sophomore.

"You're here."

The only gesture she managed was a slight nod of her head.

He was...incredibly dazzling. Not in a magical handsome sort of way. But in a way that one could not help but stop and stare. He had an air of elegance surrounding him and his stature was nothing less than perfect. His thick blond fringe was parted in two, and he sported a hairstyle that only someone like him could ever pull off. There was however, a glistening near-white marble cane that he clinged on to. Something that might have been his only flaw, had their relationship never blossomed further for her to understand him thoroughly.

The tour took exactly one hour and twenty four minutes. She was too shy, or rather, too captivated to manage much of a conversation with him until it all ended with the invitation for dinner at a familiar place he used to frequent beside the temples of Asakusa. It was awkward at first, no doubt, but when the weekly restaurant visits escalated to the daily exchange of messages on an online social platform, did the two of them start to show their true colours.

She wasn't that shy, innocent girl he thought her to be.
And he certainly wasn't much of a gentleman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a fine day when she filled up with her favourite Cheese and Mochi Okonomiyaki and downed 5 glasses of Nama, she blurted out unconsciously,

"I love a man in a uniform"

He sneered. "Don't they all say so?"

His breath reeked of freshly grounded nicotine. And as he leaned over the table, she could almost feel the brush of his skin against hers. She was intoxicated beyond words. The musk of his aftershave must have made it worse.

Is he going to kiss me?

No, she shook her head, as he pulled back after grabbing hold of the sauce bottle beside her pair of unevenly placed chopsticks. This was getting ridiculous. But for once in her life, she couldn't control her thoughts nor actions. There must have been something about him that sent her to high heaven. She couldn't stop grinning.

"You never smile do you? Come on! Just one...For me?"

He sighed and grabbed the glass of beer from her hands.

"You're drunk."

His poker face had somehow managed to remain that way throughout the times they had ever spent together. On their fourth meeting, he gave her a shocking lecture and recollection of his past. Something that she had assumed he wanted to keep secret from the world.

"I'm not proud of what I did. When she left I cried for hours, for days, for weeks. But I couldn't let anyone know that. Imagine me, a grown man, crying over a woman."

She smiled. That feeling was all too familiar. Guess no one ever passes life by without experiencing heartbreak of some sort.

"And now that she's gone, all I have left to remember her by is this ring."

Oh, so that's what happened. Does that mean he doesn't have anyone special in his life right now?

"I knew you were staring. You wanted to ask me about it since the first day we met, didn't you?"

She blushed and twiddled her fingers around. She never expected him to pay that much notice. He was usually exceptionally nonchalant about most things and only chose to pay attention to those he deemed important.

Could it be?

"There aren't many hardships that you can run away from in life. If you escape once, you'll never be able to overcome it again."

He was trying to imply something, but she was too focused on the blue of his eyes to notice what they meant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On their eighth meeting, he realised he was staring at her a lot more than he ever did before. As she buried her head in the piping hot bowl of soup, he glared at the crown of her head and spaced out. Their frequent encounters would have to stop soon. The more affection she tried to show, the more he backed out. Her flirtatious gestures might have worked with many a man out there, but it did not have any effect on his stand. It was undeniably hard to resist her charms, but he never wanted to feel that way again. He quickly turned away as she looked up. He let out a little cough in an attempt to break the silence.

Without warning, she reached out to grab hold of his left hand and turned his palm upwards to face the dingy ceiling of their usual Okonomiyaki hideout, and proceeded to placed three silver coins of 100 on his palm.

"What's this for?"

"You know what I'm craving for."

He sighed. It wasn't as if he never expected her to start taking advantage of his position and time. There was only one American doughnut shop in the whole of Japan. And it was right where he was stationed for the next 5 years. The walk to Dunkin Donuts took exactly 6.37 minutes and the condition of his legs slowed him down by at least 3 minutes compared to a normal man's pace.

"A girl needs her sweets. Be it a measly piece of chocolate, desserts, the sweet scent of vanilla perfume or the sweet talk of men."

Especially yours.

"Am I wrong to assume that you love your doughnuts?" he chuckled.

"Except, they're not really doughnuts are they? They're more like a Mochi of sorts you know."

"And I assume you can't get enough of this chewy goodness."

She laughed.

It was rare for him to crack honest jokes. He did, however, have an unending supply of sarcasm which he never failed to provide her with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On their fourteenth meeting, she decided she had had enough of his indecisiveness and lack of response to her advances. She sulked throughout the dinner. She sulked throughout the drinks session in the bar next door. She sulked until he slammed down the ice cold glass of whisky that he had been clenching on to the entire night, hard onto the round black table in front of them.

"I guess you're just not in the right mood tonight. I'll leave you alone then. We'll talk when you're feeling better."

With all his might, he then proceeded to pull himself up from the couch that had sunk with his weight, and with the help of his familiar white cane, he made his way out the bar with into the cold winters night. The solemn look on his face reminded her of the times she saw him in the base. That look he had saved solely for his inferiors, appeared before her on the night where she needed his company most.

She must have frozen in her chair minutes before she realised that he had left for good. What she did next happened in such a frenzy that all she could remember was the rose red wine that she spilled onto the wooden floor and the slamming of the door as she rushed out in hopes of finding a single trace of him.

"Why do you always have to be so cold?" she shouted as she spotted his shadow around the corner of the Sumidagawa river and that old Kimono shop she used to frequent during the annual fireworks festival.

He froze.

"I never want to lose you. I hope you understand that."

And there was nothing else left to do or say, but to walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And to get to where you want to be, I realise there isn't extra space in your luggage for me.

Copyright © 2013. All rights reserved. None of the works on this blog may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission by the blog owners.

Brigadeiro

They call this the Ghetto - and very rightly so.

You, are the Oriental 'white' of the town.

You feel yourself drifting past the habitual passing glances as you nonchalantly place your right hand on the white-washed wall before breezing down the heavily cemented stairs.

Lying face up in a dingy basement, you feel the hot chocolate Brazilian on you. You are afraid, and yet the prospect of an entirely virgin experience was too much to resist. The thrill and excitement consume you entirely. You attempt to shut your eyes and yet you fail to control your urge to stare at what this new endeavour would do to you.

"This might hurt a little"

You tremble in excruciating pain and squeeze the cheeky little monkey grinning at you. Your tight grasp repeats itself rhythmically each time you swallow exclamations of pain.

Your mind begins to wander to thoughts of him. What would he think if he knew about this? You miss him, dreadfully, and yet it was days before his return. That is, if he would ever return. Your feelings of guilt arise as strongly as the waves of sadistic pain and pleasure that rock you to orgasm.

You exit a new woman. And you would never be the same again.

In the distance, you spot his familiar hair style and smile which you have missed for months. Your lips start to curl with a smile. Maybe, you think, just maybe, life isn't so bad after all.

His Innocence…

 

BOOM!! CRASH!!

The sound of slamming doors erupted as soon as I find myself tasting the concrete pavement and blood in my mouth. Left cheek now fairly swollen, my left palm caressed it to ease the bubbling ache that started to build up around the swell.

“Get out!! Get out of my way!!” he bellowed, slamming the window shut as well.

I did not risked suffering another assault just to get chased away like some vermin, but I had no intention of suffering his insults any longer. All I asked for was some unwanted glass bottles or tin cans. For my begging rounds. What use could that overfed cook can do with them? He won’t be able to get a decent price with an attitude such as his.

How?? How…in the world things get to this??

The pain hadn’t subsided at all, and I could still feel his knuckle up my cheek, his tightly clutched fingers still clearly etched upon it. Well life’s tough these days; everybody’s worked up and tensed. Richmond’s might have more leftovers tonight. Whole damn restaurant was fully booked for some feast. Picking up my thin frame off the ground, I started making my way to my new destination.

Better luck this time, I hope.

Better luck. Of course I’ve seen better days, had lived in better times. For what’s left nobody could have known that I used to earn big bucks. Probably not as much as the corporate dudes do, but I was doing well, until…

…she came.

*********************************************************************

First it was the scent of Autumn Crocus. Perfume?? Deodorant??

“There!! You’re another day late!! I needed you to get your report done last week,” half-frowning half-smiling, I took the folder out of her hands.

She was trying to say something, but I didn’t afford her the leisure to put her thoughts into words. Swiftly turning around, I got back to my marking.

“Now thanks to you, I’ve lost another weekend to make up for loss time that YOU caused. Did you make sure to inform Miss Heathing about your late submission?” Sensing no reply, I turned around.

She was there, just standing like a statue, immobile. As if some words were caught up in her throat, she fluttered.

“Maybe…I…I…make it up…to you??”

Then she looked up, hopefully. Wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, I put on a puzzled look, intending her to explain more.

“Here,” in the swiftest manner possible she thrust an enveloped into my hands and fled like the bird fleeing from it’s hunter. Gently un-creasing the badly crumpled enveloped, I removed it’s content and sought to quench my curiosity as to why she was acting in such a manner….

*********************************************************************

“You’re early, dude,” a voice shot from the front. It was Edgar’s bartender. “Way too early…feast ain’t over yet,” he was leaning against the lamp post, trying to lit up the cheap cigarette stuffed between his lips.

“No, I don’t smoke,” I declined him as courteously as possible as he offered me a smoke. “Thanks for the gesture,” I added, trying not to make him feel offended.

If anything, he is always a life-saver that I cannot afford to offend. Word goes around that he was once in a pretty bad pinch himself, until they found out that he has a way with liquor and cocktails which got him employed, plucking him out of obscurity and poverty.

“Rough night?” he asked, while puffing out the smoke towards the streets. Several teenage girls were chuckling and giggling as they make their way to the clubs across the streets. Mini skirts and showing lots of cleavage. Free show.

But it is all too common for me. I’ve seen silly teenagers wasting their lives doing drugs and losing their virginity in the alleys. Some even had the guts to ask me if I wanted to get high and join in the orgy. Too high and drunk to see that I’m broken.

“Nothing other than the usual,” I replied. “…apart from a squabble with the Porky over the 78th street,” I explained the bruise on my cheek. “Owh, that miser? Once a few of my homies roughed him up just because he has a god-forbid-foul-mouth.”

"That’s life when you’re down in the gutter; not gonna complain,” I tuck both hands into my pocket, and started to look for stars amidst the city lights. I could barely see the moon, less so any stars.

“I can’t get you anything now, but what they have in excess in every party…is booze,” putting on an evil grin, he gave me a pat in the arm and walked back into the bar.

So much for being the gentleman. Now I’m living on scraps.

Returning my gaze to the sky, I remembered that fateful night. The night where all changed. I’ve always known I would have to disappoint her as some point, but certainly the circumstances could have been better…

*********************************************************************

Walking down the hallway, I was busy arranging the words in my head. Certainly I didn’t see this coming, not in a million years. She’s a brilliant student. But lately she seemed to be troubled. Troubled by what, nobody actually knows. Made a few home visitation and the institution found out that she lives with her grandmother. The only living relative she has left is almost never at home, out in the world striving to earn a living for the both of them. A fate so cruel and unfair.

Brilliant, but troubled.

She never had many friends, but I noticed there’s this guy who’s always with her. Walkers?? Or is it Hawkins?? Another problem child, but he wasn’t mine to lose sleep over. My clientele, as of that moment, was her.

How in the world things get to this?

I quickened my pace, as I made my way to the laboratory. Then I wondered, why the laboratory? Institution grounds are automatically restricted area after hours. The guards could appear at any moment when they’re on their rounds.

I better get this over with ASAP and get her out, or she’ll land into trouble. Again.

It was then I caught scent of something. Flower-ish. Stopping in my steps, I turned around, trying to look for the source of it. It was leading to the laboratories, but the stench was stronger here in the hallway. There’s no mistaking it, it’s the scent of Autumn Crocus.

“Hello?? Who’s there??”

Hello…Hello…Hello…Hello…

There was nothing else but the resounding echoes.Not wanting to miss my appointment, I ignored the warning sounding in my head. Something felt out of place. Soon I was at the laboratory, but I was not prepared for what happened next. A nightmare.

There was nobody there. Flicking on the switch, all I saw was the room was bare, apart from a small box resting on the table. Looking around for signs of human presence, I noticed again the lingering scent of her perfume.

She was definitely here.

Curiosity ALWAYS kills the cat. Upon confirming that I’m the sole living being in the room, I moved towards the box, examining it in my hands. Giving it a shake it produced thumping sounds; something was inside it. I opened and drew out its contents. The horror that came along the realization of what was in my hands froze me in my place…

*********************************************************************

BOOM!! CRASH!!

“Sorry dude, this is all I can get…for now,” resurfacing from the dark abyss, he shoved a half-bottle of Jack Daniels into my arms, pulling me back into the present. In his eyes were genuine look of sympathy. Sympathetic that he couldn’t be of more help to me as he usually was. I’m having none of that so I took hold of his arm and gave him my usually shake to indicate my gratitude. Without a word I turned around and started to walk away.

From afar, I heard him shouting, “Come back again later!!”. Perhaps he was expecting for some form of acknowledgement, but I didn’t offer him any. Hopefully he doesn’t interpret that as me being offended; he shouldn’t be, but I just didn’t feel like talking.

My stride was interrupted by the sound of the door re-opening. But I heard no sound of the door crashing. Not him. He’s too good a guy for that. But I’ll never forget the sound of the…

*********************************************************************

BOOM!! CRASH!! FREEZE!!

It was so fast that I cannot explain what was happening. Within seconds my hands were behind me, face pressed onto the carpet, multiple limbs pressuring on my body. Before I could even shout, a firm voice was reciting my rights.

“…right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”

I couldn’t remember whether the voice ever finished reciting my rights, but the next blow on my head landed me in the hospital for the whole week. I wasn’t allowed any visitors. By the time I was no longer disoriented, my lawyer informed me that they were going to charge me in court.

For possessing pornographic materials involving minors.

They arrested me with a box containing undergarments. Children undergarments. A search in my apartment further yielded a truckload of child pornographic materials. They told me that I’ve committed crimes that I know I have never committed. In the end all I knew was that I was framed, and I maintained that stance in court.

What followed next was a nation-wide scandal. Teaching license revoked. Criminal breach of trust. I could never work with kids or children ever again. My face and name appeared in the major cable news and throughout the mass media. Soon the verdict was passed, me jailed, and gradually people began to forget that I had ever existed…

*********************************************************************

Now back to my favourite spot in the garden, I rested my body horizontally facing the sky. Sip by sip I drained the whiskey from it’s casing, just as how my life was striped bare from it’s former glory.

Of course I never explained why I ended up with a box of dubious contents at the school laboratory at such a time. To divulge more than what the investigators have theorized will tear her life in shreds. I wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t have believed me either. I have always known I’m innocent, and withholding some truth seems to yield me some sense of honour that the juridical system of this country had deprived me of.

I gave the empty sky a smirk as an act of defiance, cushioning one arm beneath my next, another hugging the nearly empty whiskey bottle. In nights like these, Johnny Walker’s my only true friend. Shutting my eyes, thrusting myself back into the days where I had seen better days…Suddenly I jerked my eyes open.

It is the scent of Autumn Crocus.

Frantically looking around trying to identify the owner of the scent, my eyes caught the sight of a silhouette approximately 20 feet north-west from my bench. Screwing my eyes into focus, I was trying to identify my uninvited guest. Then a sudden epiphany rushed into my head, clearing it from all the alcohol I’ve just abusively consumed in my depression. Now finally seeing the whole picture, I uttered with all the resentment I can muster…

“YOU!!”

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Copyright © 2013. All rights reserved. None of the works on this blog may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission by the blog owners.

Converging Points & Parallel Lives

“I need to go,” he uttered abruptly. Upon uncovering the duvet over his thighs and legs, he swiftly reached for the attire scattered all across the room, piece by piece, like patches of breadcrumb trail starting from the door, leading right towards the queen-size bed. As for her, she was surprisingly…”reserved”… for a composition such as her.

She was still lying sideways underneath the warm provided by the duvet, facing inside the bed. But she wasn’t pretending to be asleep; she wasn’t even hiding her eyes, hers toes rubbing against each other to generate extra heat to counter the air-conditioning.

It really took him some effort trying to put his lower limbs back through his slacks while recovering from a serious hangover. It was then his palm ran into his black leather Dunhill wallet. Then he remembered…his duty.

OR PERHAPS OBLIGATION WOULD BE MORE APPROPRIATE??

Within seconds he swiftly scrambled out several hundred-notes before realising that the amount could be a little “insulting” to the splendid night he has had so far. Withdrawing his hand and at the same time taking a quick glance into his wallet, he took out a few more notes and folded them in two.

“There, for…tonight,” his cheeks were burning red, but he wasn’t sure if she could see them in the dimmed room. This time she was no longer indifferent; she held the blanket over her chest with her left while lowering down her right thigh to straighten herself up. Simultaneously, she revealed her smooth, silky shoulders and thighs. Those movements of hers were so agile, yet at the same time erotic and sensual.

His cheeks were burning hot again, and quickly turned them away from that seducing sight, but there was no slowing down the battering heart of his. Sensing her eyes falling on his back, he continued to re-dress himself, now buttoning his blouse.

“Will you be back?”, she broke the suffocating silence that was gradually building up within that space, as if the air was siphoned out and his muscles tensed up. It was getting hard for him to relax.

Sensing no reply, she probed further timidly, “Was I no good?”

“Err…no, no…it’s just me…" he said, half-turning –half-buttoning his last button. After completing a seemingly deadly quest before her presence, he muttered a quick prayer under his breath, and turned around to face her after feeling more confident. And indeed, he no longer flustered resting his eyes on her again, even though she was staring right back into his eyes.

Suddenly he looked down and examined himself frantically, checking whether he buttoned wrongly or wore his shirt inside out. He stopped only after he heard her chuckled. “Sorry…it’s not…you’ve done nothing wrong…” she said half-chuckled, half-stuttered. Instantly he loosen up, and laughed at his own over-anxiety.

“Pardon my rudeness, You’re…different,” continuing where she stopped, she was staring at him again. Realising that she was observing him again, he stared back into hers, intending to put on some fight.

“Really? Well…I’ll admit I’m not much of a GOOD sleeper,” he jokingly retorted.

“Yeah, you probably do better sleeping on the crouch than in the bed…”

Then she suddenly stood up, baring everything without the slightest hint of embarrassment, walked towards him so near that he could smell the lingering remnants of the perfume she had on her.

GOD CONDEMNED ADAM THE DAY HE MADE EVE.

After several seconds of silence, both still staring into each other, she took his next tie from his palms. “Would you allow me the honour?” she whispered. Putting almost no resistance or whatsoever, he puffed his chest out, looking upwards into the ceiling, and relaxed both his arms.

With a gentle smile she threw the necktie around his rather stiffed neck,resting both ends on his broad but not-so-muscular chest. With a bit of exercise, she thought to herself, he could turn out to be quite the hulk.

“You’re…curious, pretty much unlike the others…”

“How are the rest like?”

While intersecting both ends, she remarked, “They come…to wash away the loneliness inside them,” then pushing the wide end through the loop right at his next, before continuing, “I simply provide the tools for them…”

“Does that include this?”, curiously he asked, his eyes looking downwards indicating his tie.

Smirking, while making a loop with one end embalming the bulging knot, this time she whispered into his ears, “This is on the house.” Now curious about what she has to say, he pressed on, “Me?”

“You??” She sounded a bit surprised by his sudden display of courage. His eyes were looking at hers with intensity, so different from the ones that were repeatingly avoiding hers earlier. She knew instantly, and instinctively, that she was right about him. Meek, even weak on the outside. But once you start uncovering his defences bit by bit, there are more than meets the eye.

“You…” she paused. Her hands still working on the tie. Now pushing the wider end of the tie through the back of the knot, she forced the end through the knot.

“…you didn’t come to rid the loneliness. You enjoy them; you like your solitude…yes?” She threw him a cheeky smile, so full of confidence and faith as if she had known him inside out. His stunned expression only served to confirm what was just a strong suspicion.

With her left she forced the tie in its vertical position, while with her right she adjusts the length of the tie as the finishing touch. As she rested both palms on his chest, she cheerfully announced that the Windsor is ready for its task.

Turning around to face the mirror, his eyebrows were raised in appreciation and in awe on how well she had made the knot, with her first try, on a man she had hardly known at all.

VERY IMPRESSIVE INDEED.

“You, mister…you came to learn. You came to sate your curiosity…well, partly to learn about us, or me, so to speak. But you’re…queer…Most men are curious, but they lose interest after the transaction ended.” Realising that it was rude to show his back to her, he turned to face her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed, now with a bath robe wrapped around her, incompletely. “But above all, you came to learn about yourself.”

“Really? You are not hoping that I would believe every word…do you??” Putting on a doubtful facade, he knew he was just playing self-denial, trying to put her off, for everything she said was right on the spot.

Unexpectedly she stood up. “I’m hoping that you would stay for the night.” Sensing deliberation in his silent reply, she took a step further nearer to him, whispering into his ear, “I can make it worthwhile.”

He wondered why he rushed putting his clothes back on, wanting to leave so desperately. Now regretting his hastiness, a thousand thoughts screened through his mind. Of course, he could “graciously” accept her generous offer; after all the room has been paid for. But he was already looking past what was in that very room. Reviewing and revisiting every word and action she had made or said, he was trying to comprehend what she is trying to do, and what her intentions were. If magic creatures exist, she would be the Siren or the Mermaid, singing him into the abyss, signalling the death of his rationale.

OR MAYBE SHE ALREADY HAD ME DONE IN?

Reluctantly, he replied, “Thanks for the offer, but…”

“How disappointing, so it’s a no??”

“Not exactly…”

“Then?”

“A counter-proposal…”

He took her hands in his, just like a gentleman assisting and ushering a lady into a exquisite party.

“I proposed that we have a cup of tea…at the L’Engouement…and before you ask why, yes, I do need a rest…”

A heartily laughter resonated throughout the room. She didn’t say a word, but he could read the atmosphere, and her expression were full of vigour, the youthfulness that she had prematurely lost now reverberating once again, as if time was turned backwards and she’s young in spirit once again, just as if should be at her age.

It wasn’t long before she ditched the bathrobe and put on her dress. She took the time and liberty to reapply the Victoria’s Secret lipsticks and Lancôme mascaras, even though the occasion is only at a cafe.

“Shall we?” He offered her his arm, and she happily intersected hers with his. Both of them walked out arm in arm, leaving behind what was once a transaction, slowly working their way into a real, proper connection.

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Copyright © 2013. All rights reserved. None of the works on this blog may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission by the blog owners.